How to struggle right

In this nowadays society, having something to struggle on and about may seem overwhelming and intimidating. We all strive for safe sail, calm wind and a little tide for our “calming noise” at bedtime. Tonight, I will share something which has been bothering my mind since the start of the week. So, let’s begin.

Imagine a scenario where there are 2 people agree to commit to each other, but they are way too far apart. They both are very sure about the future together, and decided to sail on within the miles. Commitment is a struggle for everyone. It’s both sweet and sometimes bitter. You need to double everything to make them add up for double the miles. For this scenario, I am proud to say that I am on the positive side, optimistically thinking if both sides don’t give up, the boat won’t sink.

In order for the boat not sinking, both sides should be actively (and passionately) working for it. In the scenario, I see both sides did that and will keep doing that. But, what comes to my mind is whether they actively and passionately are doing “something” just purely for survival, or for the right cause? I am in no position to judge and will never try to do that. It’s just a wild thought at night, sneaking in to my mind, which led me to ask the follow up question about how to know how to know how to struggle.

First off, knowing what you struggle about is king. It’s even better if you know already how to solve it. Wait, we are too fast jumping into conclusion of solving. Knowing why behind the what is essential for trying to struggle right.  Following up our scenario above, we are talking about core values, what they believe in, and the compromises. Are core values worthy to be struggled about? Yes, definitely. Why even struggling about something so deeply cored? I don’t know exactly, but pretty sure it’s about compromise. Should we struggle to compromise? It’s getting painful.

By having the right “why”, we could continue struggling with assurance that at least we got the reasons right, and we could be very sure that the right reasons won’t fail us instead. Sometimes, the word “struggling” and “suffering” overlap each other. “Struggle concerns hope in the midst of all kinds moral, societal, and personal uncertainties, whereas suffering identifies a certain despair and anguish, a lostness of the human condition. Struggle is a part of a learning process and as such it is both expected and honored. We witness one another’s struggles and find mutual respect in the process, aware that the end of struggle is a sense of personal achievement. Suffering, by contrast, seems simply to befall us as something to be endured without edification or aim.” Mona Siddiqui wrote on her lectures at The Gifford Lectures.

“I’m doing a great work; I can’t come down. Why should the work come to a standstill just so I can come down to see you?”

Assume we all have our right “whys” and ready to move on struggling. There will be many who will contradict us, be it for the right or wrong reasons. There will be countless of “are you sures” coming our way for our boldness and our conviction. Suddenly, if we give in to them, uncertainties will slowly seeps in and “the wall” we already built will be nothing compared to what others had built. Societies talk in large scale, and it’s not wrong. They won’t just give highlights to one who made only a few, just like the runner-up won’t be noticed on the awarding ceremony. We all want those measures, a big hit. Then we start to compare ourselves to them, and something once regarded “good enough” become “not bad” and worse “not enough”.

“for it is God who works in you to will and to act in order to fulfill his good purpose.”

We are good enough for what God has trusted us to do. We all are given desires, ambitions, and wants, and for generations the desire is the basis of human struggle. It requires constant and intimate relationship with God to ensure that the desires and wills won’t fail us instead into the pitfalls of suffering. It requires faith to start something great, to fuel us for the launch, but it requires different kind of faith to stay on something works in process.

Benefit of The Doubt

It’s completely okay when you don’t know something. You are not expected to know everything. If you do, it’s great, but if you don’t, it’s no worries. We have several ways to know things, by experience, by research and confirmation, or by hearsay. Of course, we could speak more informatively about things we have experienced. We could touch around things we have researched to find confirmation from someone who has more experience. Or maybe, we could spark a conversation by saying very specific words we heard only as hearsay.

It’s great when you know about things, especially the ones which spark conversations.  When people share the same interest towards same things, say hobbies, then the possibility to gain more friends is endless. But, things could get complicated when you think you know about something, when in reality you are just a clueless fuck. It’s about mastering the art of knowing but not knowing.

This applies on any kind of encounters. Naturally, human being likes to know things. For example, this happens to me every morning on my bike ride to work. Usually the driver would ask which way I preferred, and just after I told him the details, he would start murmuring with more complexity, sometimes I knew what he meant and most of the time I didn’t. What would you do if you’re in my position? A. You stick with the route you preferred and rode on every day, or, B. You take time to hear what he had to say, and even if it sounded ridiculous, you would try to reason politely. Which one?

There’s no right or wrong answer on question above. It’s mostly about two person are fighting for the position of power of KNOWING MORE. Does it matter to you if he looks you down because you don’t know as much as he does? If it does to you, well, please continue and fight harder for that. I personally think it’s wiser if you just humble yourself down, as long as your rights as a person are still well maintained. If it feels inferior to give that away, it’s okay then, just my two cents.

Knowing things is like climbing a swinging rope tied to a helicopter. The higher you get on the ropes, the clearer you could see of the facts. Everyone would start on the farthest ties on the ropes, where the swings are extreme and could tear us apart. Those swings of information could sometimes mislead us, and it all depends on our humility to keep learning and keep climbing the ropes, or bombard others with all the swings of information we know, just to look KNOWING. Choose wisely, my friend.

It’s all started with hearsay, which sparks the interest in us, leading to the follow up of the matter, doing our homework of research and confirmation, and when there’s opportunity, the experience itself will come to us. During every single step, our humility is tested by the encounters. It’s natural to humble down to people above us, in terms of everything, but it takes wisdom to keep the humility even to people below us, also in terms of everything.

The benefit of the doubt is to be given to others, not to be doubtfully abused.

Ouch, Don't Scratch the Itch

The main idea of these paragraphs comes from what my mom usually said when I or my sister got bug-bite on our skin. She would say, “Jangan digaruk!” which literally translated to “Don’t scratch!” We often ignored what she said and kept scratching our skin until the redness from the itch turned into a scar and bled from it, and that happened more than twice, certainly said. What was wrong with scratching our bug-bitten skin? It’s the most effective way to get rid of the itchy feeling, and probably that’s the only way, wasn’t it?

Well, it took me years to realize what my mom said had much deeper truth than what it sounded like. It’s not just because she didn’t want our skin to be smudged, nor had she believed highly in essential oils. Scratching our skin is temporary, and rubbing our skin with essential oils is eternal. Confusing enough? Let’s get deeper into this.

We all need something bigger or stronger to precede our situation. In above case, we need something to overcome the itchy feeling. By scratching our skin, we fulfilled the need of something stronger, pain precedes itch. Let’s try something out here; I want you to scratch your skin, do it gently for a minute. What do you feel? Scratchy? I am pretty sure you scratch in a much lower intensity compared to how you scratch your itchy skin. Why did we feel good by scratching itchy skin? Because by scratching the itchy skin, we introduced pain into our sense, and pain is strong, way much stronger than what itches could do. We always need something bigger than what we had to have it overcome.

Everything has a scale to measure itself. Itches could be mild or severe, so is pain. Mild itches could be overcome by only mild pain; severe itches need severe pain, and so on. Once itches had been overcome by pain, what do you think will remain?

I think by now we all have understood the context. Itches are our life situation, and we have to choose which way to go for a solution. Are we going for something temporary, or something eternal? And I am sure by now we all agree to not scratching itchy skin, instead we’re going to ask Mom for essential oil. Essential oils for the win!

Yet, one rub of essential oils wouldn’t make any difference. It required commitment, to rub frequently for three days or even a week. Commitment builds good habit, and good habit will be a good foundation of better life (and it could be your long-searched solution as well).

Colossians 3:2 - “Set your minds on things above, not on earthly things.”

Set your minds on things that are eternal, not on something temporary. Temporary things seem more practical and more hands-on, compared to eternal things which seem small and ineffective at times. The Apostle Paul knows exactly what we would think of it, and on different occasion, he said:

2 Corinthians 4:16-18 – “Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen, since what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal.”

Another highlight he put on fixing/setting our minds to something above/eternal, now with further explanation to it. What he refers to “light and momentary troubles”, we might refer that to our situation, which might be nowhere near “light and momentary”. Do we believe that our situation could achieve us an eternal glory? He’s stressing about what foundation our life is built upon based on what we focus on.

Life is uncertain. Problems come and go. There’s a beautiful words in Japanese, “Mono no aware” which means “the bittersweet poignancy of things.” It boils down to our point of view of different things, as life changes and problems coming and resolving. It’s all about how strong our foundation and our commitment, which will achieve us eternal glory.

The Melbourne in Us

It is almost midnight here in Kew, the suburban area of Melbourne, Australia. As I am typing this, I am thinking about going home, which is going to happen very soon. At the same time, the feeling of leaving Melbourne haunts me all the time. The closer I am getting to departure, the more clouds are coming my way, promising rain as I am pretty sure they will leave eventually.

I can start recollecting now, from the first day until now, and I can predict quite accurately what is going to happen on the last day. I came here on August last year, which was the start of spring, and right now is winter. The changing of the seasons, the things they brought and they left, and how people adjust their life based on the current season.

The spring comes with the hope, as the flowers and trees spring, and leaves in beautiful fashion. The summer comes with excitement, trying to exceed the one spring left. Is summer even capable of doing that? Before we can even think about the answer to that, the fall comes along with thundering answer we didn’t even think of. Then, the winter does. We are deeply fucked.

I start to think, with the uncertainty Melbourne weather has to offer, how people still be able to compensate the storm after sunshine all day, and the other way around? It is not predictable in any way, yet nobody complains about that. Amazing, isn’t it?

We never know what the future holds, will it be rainy tomorrow? Should I bring my sunnies or umbrella? I am not going to bring both, how insecure am I that people would know my inside without me letting them in. Also I don’t want to be weighed down with something I wouldn’t use. Wait, what time is it? Fuck, I’m late.

Well, am I good? Am I bad? Am I in the good side of bad or bad side of good? We keep asking without even knowing the answer. Well, I am good, no doubt about that. Am I really? Well, I’m going to bring my sunnies out. Oh, will it rain today?

It is the uncertainty keeps us alive, keeps us who we are. It is the Melbourne in us.

Bittersweet is us.

Kew, Victoria

Twenty-eighth of July 2017.

11.23PM

Share the Seeds

People don’t share the seeds, they always share the fruits.

People try to figure out life for themselves, then if they manage to succeed, then maybe they’ll share.

What’s the meaning of life? Don’t they know?

Salute to people brave enough to include others in their search.

For the sake of life itself, it’s never about you alone, it’s about us society.

Shape up or be shaped? Be influenced or to influence?

People watching from around the world, asking you questions, like you got it all figured out.

What’s the meaning of life? But you’re only 20. You don’t know shit.

You don’t. You’re still in the search.

You have the seeds, find the best soil to plant, and grow tall.

The taller you are, the stronger the wind will be.

The more happiness you share, the more questions you get,

What’s the meaning of life? And you’re only 20. You do know shit.

Or at least you know how to share.

You know how to share the seeds.

O ye of little faith!

What’s not to worry? Out of all things on earth, there’s not even one thing liberated from uncertainty. Whether the traffic will be bad, the sun will hide, your partner cheated, you mess up at work, your boss messes up, your ex will call, and the list goes on. Are we wrong for being uncertain? There are always two sides of a coin. Toss a coin and you will understand, how uncertain is it for us to say “Head”, while the coin still floats in the air. We used to hold breath, probably thinking of all possibilities while our eyes locked to the flying coin. Uncertainty holds us to be doubtful.

We spend time in doubt, worrying, or intelligently said “juggling our options”. Uncertainty is deeply related to impermanence. While we all expect everything we succeeded in will stay the same, that’s when the fear or the realm of impermanence strikes in. The good thing is that we can expect everything we struggled about will change. The impermanence will always strikes in. “Anicca”, the word originates from Pali language, which means “Impermanence” describes that everything is in transience. It’s actually one of the three marks of existence in Buddhism. We never know how every situation would turn out.

Rupert Gethin once wrote in his book The Foundation of Buddhism, 

“As long as there is attachment to things that are unstable, unreliable, changing and impermanent, there will be suffering – when they change, when they cease to be what we want them to be. (…) If craving is the cause of suffering, then the cessation of suffering will surely follow from 'the complete fading away and ceasing of that very craving': its abandoning, relinquishing, releasing, letting go.”

We will never be satisfied with everything. If we are aware about the fact that everything is impermanent, maybe it will lift a handful of our burdens. Should we never settle for everything, then, for nothing is permanent? Or should we settle, with heart and mind guarded with the anticipation of losing? 

The Japanese were known for their philosophical life and how they deal with such things as impermanence is really insightful for us. The terms "Mono no aware" is literally translated to “the pathos of things”, which, if freely translated will completely describe the fullness of meaning they have. Instead of assuming the worst of everything, negatively said, they tell us to be aware of the transience of things, and heightens our appreciation towards things, while manages to allowing gentle sadness on their passing.

On a personal note, I want to try to relate the above description according to Buddhism and how the Japanese applied in their everyday life with how Christians live, without any bad sentiment of comparing between the two.

Matthew 6:25-34 (NIV)

“Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothes? Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? Can any one of you by worrying add a single hour to your life? And why do you worry about clothes? See how the flowers of the field grow. They do not labor or spin. Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these. If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, will he not much more clothe you—you of little faith? So do not worry, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’ For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.”

The main idea the two both share is “letting go”, which has been the generally accepted solution to the problem caused by uncertainty and impermanence, which reproduces a state of being worry. If we keep ahold on something so uncertain, without any good foundation on why are we doing that, we will be worn out and deteriorated from the rust of worries. The Bible tries to confront us with the irrelevant comparison between ourselves and the birds of the air (v.26) and the flowers of the field (v.28). It’s irrelevant because how could anybody compare the creation that created according to His image (ourselves), with the creations which created to be subdued by His image (the birds and flowers)? 

Psalm 46:10 (NIV)

“He says, “Be still, and know that I am God; I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth.”

Letting go requires an active approach, rather than just passively wait and do nothing. As we being aware of the transience of things and heightens our appreciation of things, we keep being still and know, that there is God above who listens and answers our prayers, and heightens our faithfulness towards the work of His hand, which are undone in us.

Do not worry, O ye of little faith!

Out of Shell

We were all shelled. We tried to protect ourselves from outside. We built our shell, just as hard as the waves coming. We tried very hard not to break, not only from outside, but also from inside. Sometimes, the shell we built was too strong for the waves, and we thought it was good. We could stay where we were, regardless the waves crashing, and we could keep to ourselves what we had, because we think that the entire outside was bad. We weren’t that bad, we thought. We’re not bad enough, not until the waves need to wipe us away. It was just how strong we were to adapt in whatever situations we faced.

We were all breaking. Even if we thought it was just a hairline crack. Once our shell was cracked open, and then we were all helpless. Our standpoint was compromised, the waves crashed upon us a hundred times more painful than they were then. Our beliefs were compromised, leaving all things that once we believed in, hung on a tree of confusion. Whether or not, our beliefs were right enough, or we had false beliefs?

We were all coping. We felt the need to cope, to try to make something right. Our compromised standpoints, our false beliefs, our confusions, they were all need to be renewed, or replaced. How did we cope? We could blame the science, blame our religion, blame others, or even blame ourselves. It was all about maturity.

What if, the waves crashed upon us are in the perfectly measured power, to just crack us open, expose us to the world? What if, the waves themselves, tried to save us from breaking? What if, the shell we built was too strong, because of our fear to the crappy world we lived, until we weren’t up for change anymore? What if, the shell we built so strong to protect us from breaking, strangled us from the lack of oxygen?

Eventually, we all knew that the life protected in a shell was not healthy either. All of us had something good to contribute to the world. It was just a shell we built, that covered all the goodness. The shell once got stained, and rusted, and what would we show to the world, which only saw from outside manner. Would we just show the rusted and stained shell protecting us, or would we expose ourselves to the waves coming, wishing the waves would break our shell for us to show what we really had for the world? The broken shells were not breaking then; it was building a better world, instead.