Build confidence in uncertainty

The idea of being a polymath (one who excels in many subjects) has resonated so deeply in my mind this couple of years. It’s all started when I watched a TED video on YouTube hosted by Emilie Wapnick on the subject of “Why some of us don’t have one true calling.” The term she used was multipotentialites. I will break it down into several sections for us to really dive deep into her idea. 

What do you want to be when you grow up?

She started off by sharing how she had too many interests, where she struggled to find an answer to the above question. She began to find the pattern which she thought could explain the inconsistency. She used to be really interested and devoted on a subject, only to be left off out of boredom. This pattern had caused herself anxiety for two main reasons, first, how likely could she turn one of those interests into a career if she kept leaving when things get boring, and how she started to sense something wrong for being unable to stick with anything. 

We live in a society where everyone should only pursue one thing and be happy with their choice. It means we need to kill everything else for “The One”. For some it’s not easy, especially for us who are open to all possibilities. We want to do well for life, and at the same time, we still want to keep our options open. 

The idea of “one true calling” is highly applauded nowadays; somehow we put too much effort to define those phrases. If I could only choose one question to ask in order to try to understand kids, I would pick the question above, no doubt. Yet, that’s the question we get asked at almost every points of our life. Answering to that question might be easy in the beginning, just name any profession available and we’re good to go. As time goes by, we start to be pickier with our answers. Time shows its glorious power. When we chose one subject to study at Uni, we just killed hundreds of possibilities on what we could’ve been.

Multipotentialites superpowers

Then, she made peace with herself and found three so-called superpowers the people with many interests have. 

• Idea-synthesis

Mix of ideas and experiences came from the journey could be really resourceful in finding new roads people would never think about. Innovation happens at the intersections. Multipotentialites, with their ability to find the core of many subjects, could make that happen by combining two or more subjects into new ventures to pursue.

• Rapid-learning

The key of successful learning experience always starts from the point of not-knowing. From there we build our glossaries of knowledge page-by-page or failure-by-failure. Most people feel good with what they know and what they’re good at. They feel too good until it becomes a fear to learn something new, what we called “comfort-zone”. Multipotentialites have overcome those challenge by familiarize themselves in the learning position. They are used to be beginners, and when a subject sparks their interest, they go hard on learning and finding and researching. Also, the skills they learned when they were beginners before are easily transferable to the new subjects they are beginners now.

• Adaptability

The ability to fit ourselves into every situation is highly regarded as one of the most important skills to develop in order to succeed in the 21st century. Changes are inevitable, and how we pivot will measure ourselves up to thriving. Multipotentialites are known to be the best to adjust themselves because in order to have interest in many different subjects and to thrive at them, they need to be adaptive and constantly adjusting to situations.

Where are you now?

Let’s think about jigsaw puzzle. Of those thousands-of-pieces in a box, what is the probability of two pieces to match at the first draw if we draw two pieces from the pools? What is the probability of us finding the “one true calling” if all the pressure are on our shoulders picking the subject to study in Uni? How do we finish the jigsaw puzzle if we struggle in finding a match for the piece we hold? And if even we found the match for the piece, how those two-pieces-bound-together find a next piece to match to form the whole picture? What if the pool is incomplete? Where do we find the missing pieces?

It might be the case that the pool is incomplete, if those small pieces represented what we need to thrive in the world. We could have interests and motivations on hand, but missing skills, or we could have connections and skills, but missing confidence. What would you do if that’s the case? Would you just simply choose to not choosing, or would you jump into other pools where you could find what you need? It’s okay.

If we zoom-out on our vision a little bit, we start to see the big picture, and start realizing that in order to complete the jigsaw, we don’t need all matched pieces on hand to be transferred to the frame, but by putting one piece at a time diligently, and make sure we have room to adjust.

If you want to watch the talk, 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4sZdcB6bjI8

There's nothing for nothing

I remember the time I tendered my resignation to my current employer. It was the day when the sun shone the brightest, and the setting sun saluted me on my way home. Truly, it was the best day I've ever had since I signed their offering letter. I still can recall that moment perfectly, word by word I said, with me smiling from ear to ear. That day, after a long and hard consideration, was the resolve of my problem of thinking about the purpose of my life. I always admire people who work in creating things, who can make impact towards the society they are in. Please, I wouldn't be angry if you said we can make impact in everything we do. There's no denying that in theory, but in practice I didn't really think so. My two cents.

I know many people who had fought a really good and fair fight, but still lost. I would easily tell them to quit, because it's the easy way out. You tried your best and you failed, that must be because that something wasn't for you. I used to feel sorry for them, they had given everything, fought until the end, worked the hardest, cried the least, or even bled out the most, but still managed to achieve nothing. It's a waste of time. If only we could be wise enough to pick out the right fights to fight, the right person to love, the right job to give ourselves into, or the commitment to commit into. Life would be easy, then.

We couldn't always choose our way with a perfect sanity, especially when someone/something presented itself in front of us, making it to be a perfect destiny to us. We were careless enough to take it on, wore it to our senses, or even dedicated ourselves into something seemed so clear, yet very vague. Was it our false beliefs in play? What would they produce, if not only to waste our time?

Something we were super sure about, to be something we regretted. It must took a long road of reasoning. We are the creatures of thinking, that's the part of our evolution. Thoughts evolve, for better or for worse. Descartes had done his part in explaining this to a good measure. We will have our own perceptions, our undisputed beliefs, for something we learned in our life. We would answer without doubt and without even think of it, that 1+1=2. Up to this point, I wouldn't say that 1+1=3, that would be the end of the world. That was the simplest case of math, everyone knows that, or at least everyone agrees on that. Descartes' methodical doubt requires us to always negate our thoughts, our convictions, and our knowledge in order to juice out the truest of convictions, knowledge, or truths.

We are the creatures of thinking, yet we ignored our contrasting thought for the easy way. We pulled ourselves out of thinking, hoping that everything would turn out alright eventually. When it didn't, we complained and had no one to blame but ourselves. We would think to ourselves that we did everything we did for nothing.

The road of reasoning might be uphill, and we might have already burst ourselves into scatters of nothingness before we found what's behind it. If you think you are in this position, well I think you're in the right place, just as I am here typing this for the exactly same reason, bursting out. 

Romans 8:28

"And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who[a] have been called according to his purpose."

Ecclesiastes 3:11

"He has made everything beautiful in its time. He has also set eternity in the human heart; yet[a] no one can fathom what God has done from beginning to end."

If I may be allowed to combine these two powerful verses, it would be;

"God works for the good of those who love Him, in His own time not ours, and we may not know what He's doing in our life."

We don't understand God's timing. God is good all the time and only because God is good and God is with us and love us all the time, our life therefore will be good.

We were all once burnt out in our journey, thinking that we wasted our time by doing the wrong kind of things, loving the wrong person, fighting for the wrong fights, which got us nowhere. We ignored that when we are the creatures of thinking, we are also the creatures of learning. We learn when we fail, and by the lessons we had learned, they changed our perspective towards things. 

Let's try to be resilient in our journey, for the journeys and everything they have to offer shape us as a person. Let's keep collecting pebbles of wisdom and truth to fuel us towards our destination.

Don't budge only because we make wrong choices, keep ourselves standing strong in faith that the best is yet to come, and there is nothing for nothing.

Chip in

When I was in Uni, photography had taken more than half of my life. The way I perceived it was very clear, I wanted photography to be part of my future. Passion comes with a price, just like every hobbies the world will know. The desire to buy new lenses, accessories, memory cards, bags, straps, and countless things under 'tech' section on web store, it knocked my door everyday.

I needed to distinguish which one I really need and which ones were only just happy pills. Then, I came into realization that I might need a new lens. And just like every other Uni students I knew, I started saving up, with THE goal in mind. I set my mind to it, and placed a deadline to it. I wanted to make the purchase at one of the annual photography expo, because I knew I could get good price there.

Then came the day of the expo. It was cheaper than I expected, but checked back to my savings, there's no way I could do that at that time. Burdened by the desire, I went to my dad and asked, "please chip in, I need only xx amount to make it." He did, and I made the purchase. I was happy, actually very happy.

How I went on with that, "I bought this myself saving up, yes my dad chipped in." Like it was the smallest thing someone's ever done to me. It struck me recently, how I responded to it and it left me ashamed. Really ashamed of myself.

It all comes down to how we value things. How we couldn't value small gifts/victories comes from our self-realization that we already own our game, ONLY need small things to perfect it. It doesn't only undermines people, but also God. We often try to understand Him however we like it. We ask him from our position that we already have something, and only need God to chip in. Then we would go on, "I did this on my own, yes God chipped in."

We will value what we are grateful for. We are not wired to value nothingness, it doesn't add up. Our value system were built on what we have, and if something adds up, then come in, if it subtracts, then go away.

We were confident in our strength, and when waves hit or lacks crept in, we started looking for solutions. We went to God. Then we started asking, "God please, I only need these amount, nothing more, I don't ask much".  It's not much, so we took it for granted. We undermined God to our standard, while He's all powerful and all knowing.

Ephesians 2:7‭-‬10 MSG

Now God has us where he wants us, with all the time in this world and the next to shower grace and kindness upon us in Christ Jesus. Saving is all his idea, and all his work. All we do is trust him enough to let him do it. It’s God’s gift from start to finish! We don’t play the major role. If we did, we’d probably go around bragging that we’d done the whole thing! No, we neither make nor save ourselves. God does both the making and saving. He creates each of us by Christ Jesus to join him in the work he does, the good work he has gotten ready for us to do, work we had better be doing.

Dwell in His embrace. Celebrate small victories. Let Him be in the driver's seat, and enjoy the ride of gratitude like never before.

Impressions management, and how to see the truest of everyone

Definitions

According to Sinha (2009), "Impression management is an active self-presentation of a person aiming to enhance his image in the eyes of others" (p.104).

According to Newman (2009), impression management is an “act presenting a favorable public image of oneself so that others will form positive judgments” (p.184).

Our values, norms, and statuses are never given fully formed. We have to mold them into something we’re comfortable with.

Impression management is a fundamental and universal process that involves a number of influential factors. These factors are social, cultural and spiritual.

Social Implications

The use of impression management provides people with the necessary skills to create a custom and often falsified perception. This deceptively altered perception allows a person to construct a new, but not necessarily improved version of him or herself. This approach helps a person carefully craft relationships and by extension they have the ability to alter their position in the socialization process through impression management. The previous example illustrates how impression management can also have a number of negative implications, such as, deception and falsification of self.

According to Newman (2009), “Impression management can lead to the creation of damaged identities, which must be repaired in order to sustain social interactions” (p.183).

Newman (2009) expands on this notion, “Impression management is a tool most of us use to present ourselves as likable people” (p.183). The previous examples point to and imply that impression management has a solely negative impact on the people within society.

Cultural Implications

Americans spend hours in tanning beds and spend large sums of money on spray tanning and bronzing lotions. On the other end of the spectrum, Indonesians purchase whitening lotions, body soap, and facial scrubs. This example demonstrates the importance of impression management and the great lengths people go to in order to control how people perceive them.

Spiritual Implications

Today, more and more people are trying to prove that they are better and more spiritual than their neighbors. People can be so desperate to be accepted spiritually, that they are willing to create an alternate and more spiritual persona. This persona could eventually become who the person really is and aid in the process of becoming one with Christ. However, it could also be an elaborate charade intended to fool the “church people” in their lives. This method of self-presentation is not productive or even profitable in the end.

Who are you? The simple question which managed to make me wonder, not about the answer, because, you know, who don’t know themselves? Come on. What I wondered, was the certainty of the answer itself. Who are you really? If once I’m asked, I’d think a lot about how I should answer. Who am I at home, who am I in my friendship, and who am I in my DATE? Did I present myself well enough in front of the community I was in? Did I succeed to make them see me as I wanted to be seen?

Was it because the nagging feelings, that bothered us all the time, about not being who we are? Or was it the pleasure, to be able to deceive others about seeing us? We had many faces, for different purposes. We presented ourselves happy, to them who needed happiness. We presented ourselves encouraging, to them who needed encouragement, and so on. Did we deceive them? When we were happy, then we found our friend to be sad, would we stay happy?

Also, we were faced to the need to examine people around us. We needed to see if they were true, or just a fake. We needed to know who our alliances were. Frankly, not only ourselves, who wore a mask to come out to the world. They did too. Our values, norms, and statuses were never given fully formed. We had to mold them into something we’re comfortable with.

I have a Durian theory. When we saw a durian, what came first to mind? It’s very spiky; I didn’t want to touch it, or to eat it. We judged from the exterior, and that was when the impressions management was very useful. Imagine the durian could change itself into a strawberry. Even it seemed impossible; at least it managed to occupy our perception, and successfully bent our degree of understanding. Then, we dared ourselves to peel the skins, one side to another, hardly. We would be amazed to see what’s inside, when we initially judged the exterior to be unapproachable, and we found the inside was very soft.

I thought that, every masks we put on only means that we are a mask away from what God created us to be. He created us in His self-image, and then we bothered to present ourselves differently, just because we needed to get the recognition. We need to be secure with our self-image, without worrying how others would see us from the outside. Here’s how;

1. Love God, not love yourself
When loving ourselves seemed to be the most effective way to maintain our contentment, but the Bible says not to have confidence in ourselves, but only in Christ. It’s quite funny sometimes, to find that our self-denial could be the solution to our insecurity. It’s when we let ourselves fade into the background, and become consumed with Jesus Christ. (Luke 9:23).

“The Christian life can be explained only in terms of Jesus Christ, and if your life as a Christian can still be explained in terms of you – your personality, your willpower, your gift, your talent, your money, your courage, your scholarship, your dedication, your sacrifice, or your anything – then although you may have the Christian life, you are not yet living it.” – Ian Thomas

2. Beauty is not within us, it’s within God who gives it to us.
We often tried to be just ourselves, urged people to try to love us just the way we are. But then again, if we remember that our belonging are not belong to us, it’s only belong to Jesus Christ who gives to us, then we can try to speak of ourselves less, and speak about His love more (John 3:30).

We could only gain lasting security when we look away from ourselves, and toward Jesus Christ. Then the question of “Who are you?” and “Who am I?” will ultimately be answered by who He is.

How to struggle right

In this nowadays society, having something to struggle on and about may seem overwhelming and intimidating. We all strive for safe sail, calm wind and a little tide for our “calming noise” at bedtime. Tonight, I will share something which has been bothering my mind since the start of the week. So, let’s begin.

Imagine a scenario where there are 2 people agree to commit to each other, but they are way too far apart. They both are very sure about the future together, and decided to sail on within the miles. Commitment is a struggle for everyone. It’s both sweet and sometimes bitter. You need to double everything to make them add up for double the miles. For this scenario, I am proud to say that I am on the positive side, optimistically thinking if both sides don’t give up, the boat won’t sink.

In order for the boat not sinking, both sides should be actively (and passionately) working for it. In the scenario, I see both sides did that and will keep doing that. But, what comes to my mind is whether they actively and passionately are doing “something” just purely for survival, or for the right cause? I am in no position to judge and will never try to do that. It’s just a wild thought at night, sneaking in to my mind, which led me to ask the follow up question about how to know how to know how to struggle.

First off, knowing what you struggle about is king. It’s even better if you know already how to solve it. Wait, we are too fast jumping into conclusion of solving. Knowing why behind the what is essential for trying to struggle right.  Following up our scenario above, we are talking about core values, what they believe in, and the compromises. Are core values worthy to be struggled about? Yes, definitely. Why even struggling about something so deeply cored? I don’t know exactly, but pretty sure it’s about compromise. Should we struggle to compromise? It’s getting painful.

By having the right “why”, we could continue struggling with assurance that at least we got the reasons right, and we could be very sure that the right reasons won’t fail us instead. Sometimes, the word “struggling” and “suffering” overlap each other. “Struggle concerns hope in the midst of all kinds moral, societal, and personal uncertainties, whereas suffering identifies a certain despair and anguish, a lostness of the human condition. Struggle is a part of a learning process and as such it is both expected and honored. We witness one another’s struggles and find mutual respect in the process, aware that the end of struggle is a sense of personal achievement. Suffering, by contrast, seems simply to befall us as something to be endured without edification or aim.” Mona Siddiqui wrote on her lectures at The Gifford Lectures.

“I’m doing a great work; I can’t come down. Why should the work come to a standstill just so I can come down to see you?”

Assume we all have our right “whys” and ready to move on struggling. There will be many who will contradict us, be it for the right or wrong reasons. There will be countless of “are you sures” coming our way for our boldness and our conviction. Suddenly, if we give in to them, uncertainties will slowly seeps in and “the wall” we already built will be nothing compared to what others had built. Societies talk in large scale, and it’s not wrong. They won’t just give highlights to one who made only a few, just like the runner-up won’t be noticed on the awarding ceremony. We all want those measures, a big hit. Then we start to compare ourselves to them, and something once regarded “good enough” become “not bad” and worse “not enough”.

“for it is God who works in you to will and to act in order to fulfill his good purpose.”

We are good enough for what God has trusted us to do. We all are given desires, ambitions, and wants, and for generations the desire is the basis of human struggle. It requires constant and intimate relationship with God to ensure that the desires and wills won’t fail us instead into the pitfalls of suffering. It requires faith to start something great, to fuel us for the launch, but it requires different kind of faith to stay on something works in process.

Benefit of The Doubt

It’s completely okay when you don’t know something. You are not expected to know everything. If you do, it’s great, but if you don’t, it’s no worries. We have several ways to know things, by experience, by research and confirmation, or by hearsay. Of course, we could speak more informatively about things we have experienced. We could touch around things we have researched to find confirmation from someone who has more experience. Or maybe, we could spark a conversation by saying very specific words we heard only as hearsay.

It’s great when you know about things, especially the ones which spark conversations.  When people share the same interest towards same things, say hobbies, then the possibility to gain more friends is endless. But, things could get complicated when you think you know about something, when in reality you are just a clueless fuck. It’s about mastering the art of knowing but not knowing.

This applies on any kind of encounters. Naturally, human being likes to know things. For example, this happens to me every morning on my bike ride to work. Usually the driver would ask which way I preferred, and just after I told him the details, he would start murmuring with more complexity, sometimes I knew what he meant and most of the time I didn’t. What would you do if you’re in my position? A. You stick with the route you preferred and rode on every day, or, B. You take time to hear what he had to say, and even if it sounded ridiculous, you would try to reason politely. Which one?

There’s no right or wrong answer on question above. It’s mostly about two person are fighting for the position of power of KNOWING MORE. Does it matter to you if he looks you down because you don’t know as much as he does? If it does to you, well, please continue and fight harder for that. I personally think it’s wiser if you just humble yourself down, as long as your rights as a person are still well maintained. If it feels inferior to give that away, it’s okay then, just my two cents.

Knowing things is like climbing a swinging rope tied to a helicopter. The higher you get on the ropes, the clearer you could see of the facts. Everyone would start on the farthest ties on the ropes, where the swings are extreme and could tear us apart. Those swings of information could sometimes mislead us, and it all depends on our humility to keep learning and keep climbing the ropes, or bombard others with all the swings of information we know, just to look KNOWING. Choose wisely, my friend.

It’s all started with hearsay, which sparks the interest in us, leading to the follow up of the matter, doing our homework of research and confirmation, and when there’s opportunity, the experience itself will come to us. During every single step, our humility is tested by the encounters. It’s natural to humble down to people above us, in terms of everything, but it takes wisdom to keep the humility even to people below us, also in terms of everything.

The benefit of the doubt is to be given to others, not to be doubtfully abused.

Ouch, Don't Scratch the Itch

The main idea of these paragraphs comes from what my mom usually said when I or my sister got bug-bite on our skin. She would say, “Jangan digaruk!” which literally translated to “Don’t scratch!” We often ignored what she said and kept scratching our skin until the redness from the itch turned into a scar and bled from it, and that happened more than twice, certainly said. What was wrong with scratching our bug-bitten skin? It’s the most effective way to get rid of the itchy feeling, and probably that’s the only way, wasn’t it?

Well, it took me years to realize what my mom said had much deeper truth than what it sounded like. It’s not just because she didn’t want our skin to be smudged, nor had she believed highly in essential oils. Scratching our skin is temporary, and rubbing our skin with essential oils is eternal. Confusing enough? Let’s get deeper into this.

We all need something bigger or stronger to precede our situation. In above case, we need something to overcome the itchy feeling. By scratching our skin, we fulfilled the need of something stronger, pain precedes itch. Let’s try something out here; I want you to scratch your skin, do it gently for a minute. What do you feel? Scratchy? I am pretty sure you scratch in a much lower intensity compared to how you scratch your itchy skin. Why did we feel good by scratching itchy skin? Because by scratching the itchy skin, we introduced pain into our sense, and pain is strong, way much stronger than what itches could do. We always need something bigger than what we had to have it overcome.

Everything has a scale to measure itself. Itches could be mild or severe, so is pain. Mild itches could be overcome by only mild pain; severe itches need severe pain, and so on. Once itches had been overcome by pain, what do you think will remain?

I think by now we all have understood the context. Itches are our life situation, and we have to choose which way to go for a solution. Are we going for something temporary, or something eternal? And I am sure by now we all agree to not scratching itchy skin, instead we’re going to ask Mom for essential oil. Essential oils for the win!

Yet, one rub of essential oils wouldn’t make any difference. It required commitment, to rub frequently for three days or even a week. Commitment builds good habit, and good habit will be a good foundation of better life (and it could be your long-searched solution as well).

Colossians 3:2 - “Set your minds on things above, not on earthly things.”

Set your minds on things that are eternal, not on something temporary. Temporary things seem more practical and more hands-on, compared to eternal things which seem small and ineffective at times. The Apostle Paul knows exactly what we would think of it, and on different occasion, he said:

2 Corinthians 4:16-18 – “Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen, since what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal.”

Another highlight he put on fixing/setting our minds to something above/eternal, now with further explanation to it. What he refers to “light and momentary troubles”, we might refer that to our situation, which might be nowhere near “light and momentary”. Do we believe that our situation could achieve us an eternal glory? He’s stressing about what foundation our life is built upon based on what we focus on.

Life is uncertain. Problems come and go. There’s a beautiful words in Japanese, “Mono no aware” which means “the bittersweet poignancy of things.” It boils down to our point of view of different things, as life changes and problems coming and resolving. It’s all about how strong our foundation and our commitment, which will achieve us eternal glory.