How to struggle right

In this nowadays society, having something to struggle on and about may seem overwhelming and intimidating. We all strive for safe sail, calm wind and a little tide for our “calming noise” at bedtime. Tonight, I will share something which has been bothering my mind since the start of the week. So, let’s begin.

Imagine a scenario where there are 2 people agree to commit to each other, but they are way too far apart. They both are very sure about the future together, and decided to sail on within the miles. Commitment is a struggle for everyone. It’s both sweet and sometimes bitter. You need to double everything to make them add up for double the miles. For this scenario, I am proud to say that I am on the positive side, optimistically thinking if both sides don’t give up, the boat won’t sink.

In order for the boat not sinking, both sides should be actively (and passionately) working for it. In the scenario, I see both sides did that and will keep doing that. But, what comes to my mind is whether they actively and passionately are doing “something” just purely for survival, or for the right cause? I am in no position to judge and will never try to do that. It’s just a wild thought at night, sneaking in to my mind, which led me to ask the follow up question about how to know how to know how to struggle.

First off, knowing what you struggle about is king. It’s even better if you know already how to solve it. Wait, we are too fast jumping into conclusion of solving. Knowing why behind the what is essential for trying to struggle right.  Following up our scenario above, we are talking about core values, what they believe in, and the compromises. Are core values worthy to be struggled about? Yes, definitely. Why even struggling about something so deeply cored? I don’t know exactly, but pretty sure it’s about compromise. Should we struggle to compromise? It’s getting painful.

By having the right “why”, we could continue struggling with assurance that at least we got the reasons right, and we could be very sure that the right reasons won’t fail us instead. Sometimes, the word “struggling” and “suffering” overlap each other. “Struggle concerns hope in the midst of all kinds moral, societal, and personal uncertainties, whereas suffering identifies a certain despair and anguish, a lostness of the human condition. Struggle is a part of a learning process and as such it is both expected and honored. We witness one another’s struggles and find mutual respect in the process, aware that the end of struggle is a sense of personal achievement. Suffering, by contrast, seems simply to befall us as something to be endured without edification or aim.” Mona Siddiqui wrote on her lectures at The Gifford Lectures.

“I’m doing a great work; I can’t come down. Why should the work come to a standstill just so I can come down to see you?”

Assume we all have our right “whys” and ready to move on struggling. There will be many who will contradict us, be it for the right or wrong reasons. There will be countless of “are you sures” coming our way for our boldness and our conviction. Suddenly, if we give in to them, uncertainties will slowly seeps in and “the wall” we already built will be nothing compared to what others had built. Societies talk in large scale, and it’s not wrong. They won’t just give highlights to one who made only a few, just like the runner-up won’t be noticed on the awarding ceremony. We all want those measures, a big hit. Then we start to compare ourselves to them, and something once regarded “good enough” become “not bad” and worse “not enough”.

“for it is God who works in you to will and to act in order to fulfill his good purpose.”

We are good enough for what God has trusted us to do. We all are given desires, ambitions, and wants, and for generations the desire is the basis of human struggle. It requires constant and intimate relationship with God to ensure that the desires and wills won’t fail us instead into the pitfalls of suffering. It requires faith to start something great, to fuel us for the launch, but it requires different kind of faith to stay on something works in process.

Benefit of The Doubt

It’s completely okay when you don’t know something. You are not expected to know everything. If you do, it’s great, but if you don’t, it’s no worries. We have several ways to know things, by experience, by research and confirmation, or by hearsay. Of course, we could speak more informatively about things we have experienced. We could touch around things we have researched to find confirmation from someone who has more experience. Or maybe, we could spark a conversation by saying very specific words we heard only as hearsay.

It’s great when you know about things, especially the ones which spark conversations.  When people share the same interest towards same things, say hobbies, then the possibility to gain more friends is endless. But, things could get complicated when you think you know about something, when in reality you are just a clueless fuck. It’s about mastering the art of knowing but not knowing.

This applies on any kind of encounters. Naturally, human being likes to know things. For example, this happens to me every morning on my bike ride to work. Usually the driver would ask which way I preferred, and just after I told him the details, he would start murmuring with more complexity, sometimes I knew what he meant and most of the time I didn’t. What would you do if you’re in my position? A. You stick with the route you preferred and rode on every day, or, B. You take time to hear what he had to say, and even if it sounded ridiculous, you would try to reason politely. Which one?

There’s no right or wrong answer on question above. It’s mostly about two person are fighting for the position of power of KNOWING MORE. Does it matter to you if he looks you down because you don’t know as much as he does? If it does to you, well, please continue and fight harder for that. I personally think it’s wiser if you just humble yourself down, as long as your rights as a person are still well maintained. If it feels inferior to give that away, it’s okay then, just my two cents.

Knowing things is like climbing a swinging rope tied to a helicopter. The higher you get on the ropes, the clearer you could see of the facts. Everyone would start on the farthest ties on the ropes, where the swings are extreme and could tear us apart. Those swings of information could sometimes mislead us, and it all depends on our humility to keep learning and keep climbing the ropes, or bombard others with all the swings of information we know, just to look KNOWING. Choose wisely, my friend.

It’s all started with hearsay, which sparks the interest in us, leading to the follow up of the matter, doing our homework of research and confirmation, and when there’s opportunity, the experience itself will come to us. During every single step, our humility is tested by the encounters. It’s natural to humble down to people above us, in terms of everything, but it takes wisdom to keep the humility even to people below us, also in terms of everything.

The benefit of the doubt is to be given to others, not to be doubtfully abused.